DAMNITOL

Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours.



ST. MOMMA'S WORT

Plant extract that treats that treats mom's depression by rendering
preschoolers unconscious for up to 2 days.



EMPTYNESTROGEN

Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you how
awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait until they moved out.




PEPTOBIMBO

Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an
evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents
conception.



DUMBEROL

When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low IQ, resulting in
enjoyment of country music and pickup trucks.



FLIPITOR

Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge

to flip off other drivers.



MENICILLIN

Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such potent
lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. Can we get naked now?"



BUYAGRA

Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping, increases potency, duration,
and credit limit of spending spree.



JACKASSPIRIN

Relieves headache caused by caused by a man who can't remember your
birthday, anniversary, or to lift the toilet seat.



ANTI-TALKSIDENT

A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share

their life stories with total strangers in elevators.



NAGAMENT

When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation
level as nagging him.